Strength has been a pretty big constant in my life. I wasn’t always the strong guy in the gym, I started at the bottom rung just like everyone else does. I worked my way to become stronger everyday. I did the work that was required to obtain the results I wanted.
Everything changed in May when I thought I had anemia, which was eventually discovered to be cancer. Emotional and mental strength was something I thought I had in spades, but this news derailed me. I’ve gotten better physically in ways but mentally and emotionally it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve encountered.
There are days when I cry, ask why me and honestly I’m going through hell here on earth. Ask anyone with cancer and they’ll tell you the same it’s hell and it’s hard to be strong in many ways.
I had a conversation with Brett Jones this week and he taught me I still have my strength. He encouraged me, this is where my strength that I have needs to be refocused and refined towards being mentally and emotionally strong. I don’t want to not have emotions and be some stoic figure.
Quite the opposite I want to be able to be strong enough to be honest when I hurt and I’m struggling but not let it destroy me or my day. Being able to process it in a productive manner, which may not always happen. The goal live life in spite of my situation and love my wife and son as much as I can while I can.
Life was never guaranteed to me but man this feels so different from the time I thought I had. It’s become more real, heavier and by embracing my strength is the best thing I can do to live a life I’m proud of having represent me in the end.
That’s all we really want is to be remembered fondly by those we care about. Those we care about carrying us with themselves in both life and death through their lives.
So don’t think I’m writing this thinking I’m dieing it’s quite the opposite the mental and emotional strength drive me to live and to live a life I want.